It’s so easy to hurt a person with a word or an action during a fight. The resentment can linger for much longer after the fight is over, ruining the relationship.
smartzune.com chose 7 things you should never ever do while fighting with your loved ones.
7. Don’t include other family members in your fights.
It’s normal for families to fight. Every family has their own rules, which remain unspoken. Families operate as a system and fight to regain homeostasis in the event of a rift. If something bad happens, for example, one member may shout and another may pacify, etc. This behavior will continue until homeostasis is achieved, that is, until everything goes back to normal and the household calms down.
Other family patterns include triangulation. When one family member is distressed, he or she looks to another to help resolve the conflict. For example, a newly married female may turn to her mother when distressed with her husband, creating a triangle. If the mother meddles too much, it creates more conflict between the husband and wife’s relationship or at the very least, freezes their conflict in place,
Your fight concerns only the 2 of you and no one else. By drawing your parents into the conflict you risk turning a regular fallout into a real family mess. Even if harmony returns to your relationship, the other members of the family will most likely remember everything and will use that against you or your partner when given a chance.
as they’re not working on resolving theit issues together. It doesn’t occur to anyone to articulate what’s going on and they may not be objectively aware of the conflict. This is why people should avoid triangulation and other unhelpful stances, once they recognize the patterns.
It’s normal for families to have conflicts; how they resolve them is key. This is why it’s helpful to understand the underlying dynamics.